Dr. Mom Online

Recently, I was teaching a seminar on the incredible power of our thoughts, our beliefs, our self-talk and our emotions and how they all directly affect our level of health.

Mounting scientific evidence has clearly demonstrated for years now that the old adage “it’s all in your head” is truly ridiculous. What’s going on in your head is a dangerously underestimated piece of the Health & Happiness Puzzle! Gone are the days of blowing off ‘positive thinking’ as a New Age mentality or hippie mantra. What you consistently think about, talk about and emote WILL shape the outcome of your health… and your life.

Better take it more seriously. Time to be responsible with what you’re allowing IN, and what you’re allowing to cultivate in that pretty little brain of yours!

Yes, you need to fuel up with the right nutrition in order to build a healthy body and brilliant brain. Yes, you must move regularly in order to function properly and feel your best. BUT, you can do these two things ’til the cows come home… and if you’re in a cycle of Stinkin’ Thinkin’, you will not experience optimal health and happiness. Your negative thoughts, attitude, emotions, beliefs, and self-talk will make sure of that. Time to shift thoughts – time to take control of what’s going on in between your ears!

If YOU don’t determine what goes on up there, who does?! That’s a scary thought!

This is an overwhelmingly large topic to address here. So, for the purpose of this brief article, I simply wanted to share a revelation that one particular seminar attendee experienced. It was a breakthrough for him. In the past, this same little gem has gotten me through the toughest time of my life, too. I figured I’d better share it!

This gentleman was sharing with me that he was going through a very, very challenging time in his life. He had suffered a knee injury while on vacation  many years ago and is still experiencing significant pain as a result. All medical testing has told him that it’s a degenerative condition and there’s not really anything they can do at this point, other than medicate him.

(By the way, in the field I’m in, I see a lot of people with pain issues and chronic illness issues. This man is not alone. In fact, I’ve had a very similar conversation with a handful of people in the past month alone. I just chose to share HIS particular situation because he gave me permission to!)

Anyhow, I noticed that in the time that I’ve known him, he has become quite skilled at listing all the things that he CAN’T do anymore because of his injury. Over and over again. He would talk about every possible negative association to this injury possible. He no longer plays the sports he loves. He no longer rides his motorcycle. He has a hard time getting up and down stairs. He doesn’t want to go on vacation in case he gets hurt again. He can’t do much as far as exercise anymore. And more…

Now, he has pain almost all the time – with some good days mixed in there, too – so I can understand his enormous challenge in overcoming this type of thinking. Again, like so many others in his shoes, he expressed that “the pain is always there… it’s a constant reminder of how everything went wrong and all the things I can’t do… how can I possibly think “happier” thoughts when the pain is always there?! This has ruined my life! How can I think about being “happy” when this pain is always lurking?”

Good question.

My full response was MUCH longer than what I’ll say here (Gee, imagine that!), but ultimately, I asked him to shift his focus with me… right then and there. I wanted him to tell me something he was thankful for. In fact, I said “Snap out of it… for just a few seconds, at least.” I understand that he’s got a big battle to deal with now. I understand that his life isn’t what he had envisioned. I understand that he has had to change his lifestyle. BUT… does all that mean that he can’t still choose happiness?

We talked about how things could have been SO much worse, as far as his injury is concerned. We talked about the relative significance of a non-life-threatening injury as compared to all the atrocities in the world. We talked about what good could possibly come from re-hashing the details and negativity of the injury and its subsequent lifestyle changes.

In fact, we talked about how his constant focus on and attachment to his injury was his choice. It IS possible to feel pain and NOT be overcome with negativity, frustration and hopelessness. It IS possible and I believe it is NECESSARY.

Holy cow!! I asked him, “How much more of your life are you going to throw away by allowing this to go on?” You are the ONLY one who can shift your thoughts on this. If you don’t I can guarantee you’ll spend the rest of your life exactly like this – negative, pissed off (sorry), sulking, brooding… and in PAIN! Your body simply cannot heal effectively when you’re full of toxic emotions.

Man, I tell you, he was hard pressed to come up with some positive things in his life! That’s how deep the negativity was running. I had to gently prod him and remind him that he was a great man… an ALIVE man! That seemed like a pretty important starting point! He has an incredible, loving, supportive wife. He has a close-knit family that he sees regularly. He loves his new job – he gets to make a difference in our world and our planet. He and his wife have financial security. No one in his family has any chronic or life-threatening illness. He’s a talented musician, artist and writer. He has a fabulous circle of friends… and on and on. He’s truly a great guy.

Funny how one knee had clouded his thinking so severely.

God puts us here to shine our greatness all around us… NO MATTER WHAT. Our core values can come shining through the murkiest conditions. They MUST come through… or else what. What?! What else are you gonna’ DO? Be angry your whole life?!

We talked about the transformational power of GRATITUDE. Having a grateful heart changes everything. Everything. It’s one of the most important things I can possibly recommend to anyone suffering on any level. Gratitude lifts us to a higher level. Up there, there are more important, loftier things than physical pain.

No, the pain may not go away as soon as you’d like… or maybe not ever. So… who will you BE in spite of the pain? Who will you BE along with the pain? Who will you BE in order to overcome the pain?

Allowing so much focus on the negatives directly sabotages a grateful heart. Likewise, a grateful heart overpowers toxic thinking 100% of the time. It’s not even a fair contest!

It’s not always easy. But it IS simple. You can go into “training” right now. This might be a new skill for you… to shift your thoughts to those of gratitude and appreciation rather than focusing on all the worldly trials and tribulations of our days. Sure, those will always come up. But once you develop this skill of finding the blessings in spite of it all, those trials and tribulations are far more manageable.

So, what happened to the gentleman from the seminar? In the weeks since our discussion, he has made the consistent effort to begin and end his day by affirming all that he is grateful for and all that he has to appreciate.  In return for his investment, he is beginning to notice a lessening of his pain… but more importantly, a significant improvement in his overall outlook and attitude! He says that he feels consistently joyful for the first time in years.

I feel the same way every time I remember to do this during moments of stress. It’s like a secret formula for living a happier life!

Each day… as often as you can throughout your day… look for the blessings. They ARE always there. A grateful heart is a key to overcoming stress, pain and any negativity. What an amazing gift we’ve been given!

Tags: appreciation, chronic pain, gratitude, happiness, joy of life, stress, stress management, stress reduction